The Fashion Project

Rant #2: Why am I useless to society?

There is one thing I really want to know. Why is it that I can't find a job? Please indulge me; let me list my qualifications:

-Bachelors of Arts degree in Creative Writing, Philosophy, and Medieval Studies
-100-hour TESOL teaching certificate in ESL
-3 years as an Office Assistant at my university's publication
-1 year as Editor for 2 editions of a newspaper
-5 years teaching ESL in Japan
-5 years doing countless administrative tasks in the schools, including (but not limited to) filing, data entry, customer service, sales, peer demonstrations, leading meetings, observations and reports, curriculum development, material preparation, proofreading... in Japanese and English!!!!

Okay, so I get back to America and do you think I could get a job? Not just teaching, but any job, even in a supermarket? Even answering phones in an office? Even doing data entry at an auto parts store? Even selling shoes in an upscale downtown store? Even cashiering at a craft store? NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! No no no no no. Nothing. Apparently I am either massively overqualified so much that I scare them too much to hire me, or I am lacking some quintessential but necessary skill to do the job. Five years doing customer service in two languages, and apparently I don't have the right experience to serve coffee at Starbucks.

I really wish I was just complaining and exaggerating, but believe me beloved Blog audience, this is all true. I have really and truly applied for all of these jobs, and more. Through Michigan Talent Bank, the database offered by the Michigan Unemployment Agency, I have applied for an average of 4 jobs a day for the last 6 weeks. That includes on Sundays. I am registered, tested, and approved for work by not one, not two, but FOUR recruitment agencies for office admin work.

I actually had one lady tell me to my face, "Well, the problem with your resume is that you are overqualified for these positions. People take one look at it and think, She won't stay in this position." You think that sounds mean? Check out what another recruiter said to me at a job fair- "Well, you have all the right skills, but unfortunately your experience isn't really what employers are looking for. Good luck to you." And she handed my resume back to me! At a job fair! I can't even get a job selling insurance policies.

But what about teaching? I can hear you all asking yourselves. Well, of course, that is where I started in this mess. The first month, all I did was try to get teaching work. But the problem is, I'm not certified in the state of Michigan. That didn't used to matter. In the "Old Days" (defined as: before GW Bush instituted No Child Left Behind and screwed us all), all you needed was a degree in your subject area and maybe some tutoring experience, and the school district would be happy to apply for a temporary certificate for you. I know this, because my mother's friend did it twice before she actually took the exam to get hers. Nowadays, it is a different beast all together. I called the Michigan Department of Career Services to find out what I was doing wrong, and how to get on the Straight Path to Employment. Here is what I learned.

In Michigan, you may not take the exam to become certified as a teacher unless you have passed a state-approved teaching course. This does not include the test for your subject area. If you have completed a teaching course online (as I have), it is considered out-of-state, and therefore you may not count it. If you have years and years of teaching experience that was not in the state of Michigan, then it does not prepare you for taking the exam, does not count toward the teaching course, and you may not take the exam without the approved teaching course.

So why don't I just take the state-approved teaching course? These courses are through any Michigan university and include 2 semesters of teaching courses and one semester of student teaching, all of which is mandatory. So if I want to just get in a classroom, I have to go back to school for a year and a half.

As you can all imagine, I am frustrated. All of my experience and all of my training in Japan, which I spent years acquiring, is now all meaningless. I am less qualified to teach here than a recent graduate who just finished a BA. I could have skipped the last 5 years and ended up in the same situation. And the really cruel part is, I never really wanted to be a teacher in the first place!

Life is cruel sometimes. My job hunt continues.